Cucumber

Cucumber (otherwise known as Caleb) is an original member of the Soup Pot. He's selflessly not made his page yet so I'm doing it for him (thanks Pretzel).

Caleb is the primary memer, photoshopper, and bard for The Soup Pot. As a first-generation TSPer, he was added by the Chef among other first-gens when the group was first started in September 2018. Also one of the primary editors of this wiki, Caleb is the artist/designer of various artworks and graphics which appear on the pages, including the favicon, navigation bar, wiki background, and The Soup Pot official desktop wallpaper, as well as the TSP banner artwork, both of which are featured below.

Sardonic and direct, Cucumber does not hesitate to state facts plainly yet humorously. A great fan (perhaps too great) of terrible puns and dad jokes, Cucumber often makes the group laugh out of the sheer stupidity of the humor. Although originally reserved and reluctant to take part in general group activities, he slowly grew acclimated to the environment and became more participative in TSP.

 Veritas Bio

Hopefully, having clicked on my name, you know it, unless your finger or mouse pointer happened to be in the way, in which case you will be able to read my name in the top left corner of this page. If perhaps a notification banner, your browser frame, or another window obscures that particular location, my name is Caleb.

Enough with the technicalities. Down with preliminaries.

I live in Vietnam, a wonderful place where there's so much garbage on the streets you actually don't notice it anymore, where the street vendors sit out on the street and tell you not to buy their goods, where people are Buddhists without really knowing what Buddhism is, and where the life dream of people is to see the beach once.

I'm an INFJ-T slash INTP-T. I'm sarcastic most of the time, and horribly serious when I'm not sarcastic. I'm boring in real life. You can always, always tell when I'm being sarcastic. That was sarcasm.

If you're wondering, I'm an INTP when I correct people's grammar, and an INFJ when I want to correct people's lives.

I get up late in the morning, and go to bed at all sorts of unholy hours.

Eating has become a new interest of mine, and it's a bad thing because I don't exercise.

Is my life a failure?

I hope teachers won't take off points for my exceeding word count limits.

This is the best way to cheat on word count: If you didn't write enough, set the text color to white and add nonsense words at the end of the essay. If you exceed the limit, set color to white and change all the spaces to white characters to combine words.

If I believe in something, I make that thing into a sharp wooden tree branch and stick it into people's arms until they scream. Then I go and do it to someone else.

The T in INFJ-T stands for tiresome.

I'm not a fan of music. I know nothing of it. If you're talking to me and want to sound smart, talk about music.

This is going to be hard to understand, but I have an ego like a Prince Rubert's Drop. The head can support a speeding bullet, but if the tail receives the slightest infraction of social etiquette, boom. And sharp glass pokes your feet, and it's hard to clean up.

I'm not humorous or funny. Don't laugh. Some people have told me I have a mildly mediocre sense of humor, but the only humor I have is the vitreous kind. I mean, vitriol. Don't step on my toes (fingers are ok).

I like symbolism. So be careful. I leave rocks in my soup.

I want to create the first massless electron. I will find a way to destabilize the gravitational vibration of a particle's waveform by colliding two Higgs-bosons to create a micro black hole. Virtual particles will be formed, basically a sped up form of Hawking Radiation.

If you're wondering about penguins, notify me. I will rush to the scene instantly.

I'm an optimist. I believe that after all the pain, suffering, starvation, persecution, crime, violence, murder, palpitation, hyperventilation, vasovagal syncope, disease, agony, toil, struggle, tribulation, high-frequency stridulation, stroboscopic optical pulses, and mockery that's sure to come at every stage of life, there's heaven at the end of it (at least for believers). See? I'm an optimist!

Now this is about the place where people usually copy and paste a bunch of mildly humorous, mildly inspirational (sometimes supposedly inspirational), or entirely purposeless and meaningless quotes from a class clown or popular HSD star that generally have little or nothing to do with the owner of the bio, except perhaps a complicated personal reference that only the owner finds definitive and can't be expected to be understood by anyone else with the exception of the owner; this being said, I see no reason further this peculiar procedure.

If you happen to have a weird disease, or there's something wrong I need to fix, or there's someone bothering you that you want me to kill, or Louie is suing you in court, or you want to call 911, contact me below. Lawyer prices are low because I don't know law.